Worn|| Orange Crush

One of my favorite things this year has been rediscovering my love of clothes and trying to figure out what I still love and what no longer works in terms of style. There have been hits, a few misses and a couple of “WTF was I thinking” moments. And while I still haven’t figured it all out, I’m getting clearer about it.

For instance, this skirt. It’s actually a dress. I bought because I love the color and the hemline. It’s 100% silk so it makes the most magnificent swish when I walk! I wore it exactly one time in the six or seven years I’ve had it. It has a halter neckline which I never liked and it does something weird to my chest. But, I couldn’t get rid of it for some reason! I decided to fold the top down and use the ties from the halter as a belt. I immediately loved it. I managed to wear it a handful of times with t-shirts and tank tops over the summer. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that works really well in cooler temps. I tossed on an oversized sweater, paired it with Chucks, and was good to go for a day of running errands. I’m planning to have it turned into a proper skirt with a waistband and a zipper but until then I’ll continue to wear it as is. If there’s something you love in your closet that hasn’t work for whatever reason, look at it in a different way. You may discover a new way to wear it or style it and fall in love with it again!

Everyday Ordinary

Over the last decade, I’ve tried memory keeping in a number of ways from scrapbooking to using a memory planner. At a certain point it all seems too overwhelming and I give it up. But, this year, I think I finally hit my sweet spot.

Last year I bought a Hobonichi Cousin for the first time. I loved it because it offers monthly, weekly, and daily pages. The weekly pages were my jam but I was at a loss on what to do with the daily pages so they mostly went unused which is sad because the tomoe river paper used in the Hobonichi is freaking magical!

This past year I’ve realized that I’m documenter. I love looking back in my planners and seeing small glimpses of my everyday life. I think some of that is lost when you do more traditional scrapbooking or memory keeping. When I realized the Hobonichi is perfect for this, I decided to order another one! I’m able to document all of the smaller moments of our days whether it’s something funny Rowan has said, a quick note about self-doubt, or a selfie because my hair and makeup were on point that day! I love it. I can look at my weekly pages and see all of the mundane everyday tasks of living-folding laundry, getting the car serviced and Rowan’s haircut. And, the daily pages offer little glimpses into why ordinary days are so special and worth remembering! I’m looking forward to having a bookcase full of these to pull out and flip through with my grandchildren! I encourage you to record some of the small things whether it’s scribbling a little note in your planner or printing out some of the thousands of photos on your phone and tucking them between the pages of a journal. These moments are worth recording!

Nonfiction November

One of my favorite booktubers, ABOOKOLIVE, is the host of Nonfiction November. Let’s ignore the fact that we’re into the first week of the month already…mkay?! The goal is to simply get people to read more nonfiction. If you typically read none and you read one, you win! And, if you like nonfiction and read it regularly, add a few more to your TBR. It is one of my favorite reading challenges. Whenever I’m in a reading slump I gravitate towards nonfiction. Before Google and Reddit rabbit holes to follow, there was the library filled with books on everything to memoirs to essay collections to true crime and those are the books that comforted me!

There are no real rules but she does offer a few one-word prompts that may be interpreted in any way you want. I’ve added a bunch of amazing recs to my Goodreads list and since I’m also doing NaNoWriMo this month(!) I’m only going to attempt to one book for each prompt.

Design: Slugfest: Inside the Epic, 50-year Battle between Marvel and DC by Reed Tucker This was a recommendation from Olive. I chose it for design not only because I love the comic book designed cover but also because the creators of both Marvel and DC have meticulously designed the worlds their characters inhabit. I’m a fairly new fan to the MCU and I’m excited to learn more about the history of these two giants of the industry.

Sport: Unnecessary Roughness: Inside the Trial and Final Days of Aaron Hernandez by Jose Baez I had only marginally been keeping track of the Aaron Hernandez saga. Hernandez was a star athlete and professional football player who was charged and convicted of murder. This book is written by the famed defense attorney, Jose Baez who not only defended him in a second double-murder trial but ultimately got him acquitted. It is an in-depth dive into the last year of the life of Hernandez and details only Baez had access to. I’m interested in reading more about what makes a man who seemingly had everything fall, how CTE may have played a part in his crimes and a closer look at the justice system.

True: A Deal with the Devil: The Dark and Twisted True Story of One of the Biggest Cons in History by Blake Ellis Because real life is always stranger and more interesting than fiction! My interest in true crime has changed a lot in the past few years. But, I find fraud and the people that perpetuate them endlessly interesting. This book is an investigation into a criminal enterprise that defrauded people to the tune of $200 million dollars through various mail-order schemes.

Voice: Motherhood So White: A Memoir of Race, Gender, and Parenting in America by Nefertiti Austin When I started my journey of new motherhood over again I noticed immediately that finding resources and stories about what parenting is like for black mothers in the 21st century were virtually nonexistent. I am a black stay at home mom of a young child and while I don’t find my circumstance particularly extraordinary, seeing my journey reflected in fiction or nonfiction is relatively rare. I chose this story about a single black woman’s choice to become a mother through adoption because these voices and stories need to be told.

Dark and Stormy

I’m not a Halloween person. But there’s something about having a small child that gets you excited for the holidays, any holiday! So this year I put on my festive Halloween hat and created my version of a spooky tablescape for the season.

I didn’t want to spend a lot and I’m happy to say that the entire thing came together for about $20! The only new items were the buffalo plaid tablecloth that served as inspiration and the blue and white thrifted china. I used to love putting together a pretty table but it’s not something I’ve done in the past few years because small humans are attracted to shiny, pretty and breakable things! As I was doing this I remembered how much fun it is and I got to challenge myself. Now that Rowan is older and learning that not everything in the house is a toy I’ll have to do this more!

The color palette was simple black and white with just a touch of blue. Then Halloween it up!

I’m so happy with the way the way it turned out! It’s a little bit farmhouse, with a dose of classic and just a little spooky!

View fullsize

View fullsize

Be sure to check out the video to see it all come together.

Seasons Change|| Life Update

Because I have terrible follow-through, I loathe making resolutions. However, at the beginning of the year, I set a few goals for myself inspired by my word of the year L I G H T. The end of the year is approaching at breakneck speed and I have to say that I’m pretty proud of the things I manage to do this year. I’m sure at the end of the year I’ll do a post on everything but I want to talk about one thing, the one thing that terrified more than anything else.

If you know me in real life or have been a blog reader from way back you know that Rowan’s birth was extremely complicated. I won’t go into a great amount of detail but both of us were extremely lucky that we survived. Because of that trauma, I became obsessed with figuring out why. Why did a healthy 40-year-old woman with excellent medical care come minutes away from dying while giving birth? The more I read, the angrier I became. My experience was not an anomaly. It was becoming the norm.

A few years after my son was born, my oldest daughter and her husband announced they were pregnant. I was so excited for them! But, I was also terrified! I didn’t want my kid to go through any of the things I did when I had her little brother. I was humbled when they asked me to be with them through labor and delivery. I got to hold my daughter’s hands, rub her back, talk her through her anxiety and look on in awe as she summoned all of her strength to give birth. It was one of the most beautiful moments in my life.

It also sparked an idea. I can do this. I can work with black women in a tangible way to make sure they have great birthing experiences and safe and healthy labor.

I am so proud and nervous to say that I’ve started my journey to becoming a Maternal Support Practitioner, otherwise known as a doula, and a childbirth educator!

I’m terrified but I also believe that everything in my life has brought me to this point. I want to be proactive in helping black and brown women have healthy pregnancies and babies.

Here I am moving into the next season of my life and I couldn’t be happier!

School Dazed || 3 Quick Looks For Every Day

Let me preface this post by saying that as parents, especially moms, we are all doing the very best we can! I’m not posting this to shame anyone or to say you should dress a certain way. Getting kids up and out of the house every day can be as tough as climbing Kilimanjaro. I know first hand that sometimes all I can manage is to throw a sweater over whatever I slept in and pull on the pair of leggings at the top of the laundry basket! However, I’ve found that having a game plan/an idea of a few things I can throw and feel good about myself is an enormous help when I’m running on autopilot.

Like most parents, the start of school is a welcome relief from being the 24/7 entertainment director for my 5-year-old. Of course, this means we have to be up, out and look fairly presentable far earlier than we’ve grown used to.

Here are three easy ways to look low key pulled together when you’d rather be wearing pajamas.

This outfit is all about elevated basics. We all have leggings and sweatshirts that we most likely live in. This look uses the faux leather texture of the leggings and the graphics on the sweatshirt to take it up a notch. The leopard scarf says I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that bitch.

This a look we all have. A favorite cardigan, a t shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. Boom! Out the door in 15 minutes.

I’ve been adding graphic t-shirts to my closet this summer with the sole intention of wearing them with something other than leggings. Here my favorite distressed jeans and a thrifted Minnie Mouse t-shirt feel a little more dressed up when I wear them with a timeless cropped trench coat and sparkly flats!

Nothing here is fussy or overdone. It’s all comfy enough to keep up with my kid. None of it is groundbreaking or edgy. But all of it makes me like I’ve got my shit together…even when that’s not even close to being true!

Forty-Six

Yesterday I turned 46. Birthdays have always been a weird thing for me. Always. Even as a kid they weren’t really my jam. I often spend the entire month of August depressed and panicking about how my life is flying by and none of the things I thought I would be or do have happened. This year I was determined to embrace it. If I’m being completely transparent, it was hard. This month was intense. But, this year instead of bottling all of that anxiety inside I talked about. I shared my fears with my friends and my husband. I was honest with myself about my feelings. I made plans to go out with my best friends to celebrate and they held me to it. So I pulled on my party dress, dug out a pair of heels, spent a ridiculous amount of time putting on false lashes and lived my best birthday life!

Happy birthday Courtnee! This year you’ve grown in ways you didn’t think were possible. You are closer to your purpose. You’ve embraced your commitment to rediscovering the lightness in your own life. You’ve challenged yourself to do things that terrify you in spite of your anxiety. You’ve deepened your connections to your village. You’ve loved and laughed. You have been more unapologetically you this year than you’ve ever been. You work everyday on loving who you are right now. Here’s to another year of growth, love and self discovery.

Going Gray|| Lifestyle Changes

Going Gray is a series I’ve been wanting to start in order to process my feelings about aging. I hope it’s a place where I can foster dialogue and have honest conversations about my own fears and share observations about what it feels like to age in a society that focused on youthfulness.

At the beginning of the year I shared my word of the year, LIGHT, and my thoughts about what it meant to me and how I was hoping to implement it. And, in a lot of ways, I’m happy with how this year has unfolded using it as a point of reference. I knew at the beginning of the year that I needed to apply not only to my emotional and mental health but I really needed to use it to tackle my physical health too. But, there are things I’ve been avoiding unpacking because it’s hard. And so, I put off addressing health concerns and my body issues.

Many of my own issues with my body are entrenched not so much in getting old but in looking old! For most us, as we age we tend to get a bit softer and perhaps a size or two bigger. I have spent the better part of the year hating how my body looks and attempting the “perfect” diet. And, it always fails. I beat myself up and promise that the next time I’ll succeed. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Last month I finally took the time sit with my thoughts about my body. Why do I feel the way I feel? But more importantly, what was I trying to accomplish? And I journaled about it a lot. It finally dawned on me that as much as I want to have my old body back, I wanted to feel the way I felt in that body. I wanted to feel at ease with myself and physically capable which is light years away from how I feel right now. Then I started to dissect what was happening in my life at that time. And I discovered, I was treating myself with kindness. I was eating clean without denying myself things I enjoyed. I loved my body enough to challenge it to be better. And so, here we are. The end goal for me is better health and I’m hoping that will help me as sail into middle age. The key for me is making small changes in order to maintain a sustainable shift in my lifestyle.

At the beginning of the month I decided to go fully vegetarian with the goal of eliminating most animal products(except cheese! Vegan cheese is sad and you can’t convince me otherwise) from my diet. It’s been easier than I anticipated. I’ve been inspired to cook more and listen to my body. I love carbs and eliminating animal protein is frightening for me because I could easily resort to eating creamy pasta for every meal. So, I’m making a concentrated effort to eat a healthy and balanced vegetarian diet replacing meat with things like mushrooms, beans and lentils.

We’re almost at the end of the first month and I can honestly say that I don’t miss meat. I do, however, miss the prospect of seafood. The healthier I eat, the less I crave things that I used to crave daily! Funny how that works. I’m not sure if I’ve lost any weight because I’m sure getting on a scale right now would sabotage my progress. I’m changing the definition of success in this area of my life looks like. And it seems to be working. Did you embark on any changes to your diet, health or fitness this year?

The Blueprint || Worn

In the last year I’ve shifted most of wardrobe from brand new/fast fashion to thrifted and second hand clothing. I’d like to say that it was completely intentional. However, it was much more of a subtle and subconscious thing driven mostly by my desire to have clothes that fit a heavier me without spending too much money. I keep promising myself that I will shed the weight- and that’s an entirely different and upcoming post.

Thrifting satisfies that need for immediate gratification but it’s also very hit or miss. A few weeks ago, my friend, Jessy introduced me to ThredUp. I’d browsed the site before but was seriously overwhelmed and not really sure how it worked. Seeing all of her amazing fashion finds made me determined to figure it out!

My husband and I have birthdays at the end of the month which means at least one proper grownup night out. I used to buy myself a pretty dress every year for my birthday but I haven’t done that since before I turned 40. Seriously, I can’t believe how long it’s been since I treated myself to a “pretty, possibly impractical, serving no other purpose than it makes me insanely happy” dress! Time to fix that. So, I searched ThredUp for a birthday dress and I ended up buying 6…for less than $100!!

This didn’t make the cut for our birthday night out but it’s perfect for a casual look. I suspect I’ll dress up at some point with heels for a night out and boots for the fall. Today I paired it with my wedge high tops and arm full of bracelets to channel my inner Rainbow Johnson. Tracee Ellis Ross is one of my style icons as is her character, Rainbow, on Black-ish. I’m beyond thrilled I spotted this dress (new with tags!) and took a chance on it!

If you’d like to try ThredUp, this code will get you $10 off http://www.thredup.com/r/PYE4M9 This is a referral code. I will be compensated if you decide to use it.

This or That|| Neon

Hi, I’m Courtnee and I love neon. I grew up in the 80s when neon was a big deal so my fondness for it is firmly rooted in nostalgia. These days I prefer to pair it with a neutral instead of another neon color which is what my 10 year old self would do. Because neon+neon= Totally Rad!

I found this skirt on the clearance rack marked down to $12 at JcPenny a few years ago and it’s been a favorite. What’s not to love? Chiffon, pleats, a pop of neon paired with tan…yes please! All of those details come together in an unexpectedly modern way that I love.

Anyone who knows me knows that gray is my favorite neutral. It’s not as harsh as black. Easier to wear than brown. And, pairs the easiest with other neutrals. Mixed metallic shoes are perfect for subtly tying together the gray+tan color palette. This outfit feels romantic without being fussy and I love it. Lately, I’ve been having so much fun digging through my closet, rediscovering things are years old, and styling them in completely different ways. Nothing in this outfit is new. The skirt is the newest addition and it’s probably 4 years old. I’d forgotten how much I love the creative process of putting together an outfit and it feels good to get back into that head space again!

This is an easy look for everyday mom life. The same color palette in a super casual way that makes me look a hell of lot more pulled together than I actually am. The tee and chambray shirt are fun and recent thrift finds. I love making a casual outfit out of a piece that at first glance seems “dressy”. If I saved all of my dress up clothes for special occasions, they would literally never leave my closet! Don’t be afraid to experiment!