Word Of The Year|| Unpack

Unpack.

To remove the contents of. To unburden or reveal. To analyze the detail of by examining in detail. To decompress.

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Photo by Tucker Good on Unsplash

I think we have all breathed a collective sigh of relief that 2020 is over. And are a bit apprehensive about what 2021 may bring. It would be foolish to think that everything will completely change once the clock strikes 12:00 on January 1. In spite of my pessimistic nature, I can’t help but hope that this year will bring all of the things that we were robbed of last year. In the spirit of letting myself have a little bit of hope, I decided to pick a word for this year. OR, should I say it picked me just as it did in the last two years. It struck me in the middle of another sleepless night, UNPACK.

How will I unpack?

I want to unburden myself of the rage I’ve been living with for the last four years and find a better way to channel that anger into something more productive.

These last 10 months living in lockdown I’ve started to embrace simplicity. Everything feels like a lot! When I look around my space, I want to be surrounded by not just the things I need but also things that I love. 2021 will be the year of going through all of the things and figuring out what stays and what goes in an effort to unburden myself of excess.

Finally, in the past few months, I’ve been working really hard in therapy to understand why I feel so undeserving of the love of friends and family. In a lot of ways, I fear that the more I am me. the more there is to reject. And so, I’m never fully myself in any relationship. This year it’s time for me to stop living like I have one foot out the door. To show up as my full self, unpack, and stay.

Here’s to 2021 my friends.

*I started writing this post on January 1. We’re 12 days in and 2021 is already a dumpster fire. So yeah. Also, fuck Donald Trump and his mob of terrorists. Now. And, forever.

Rambling Rose|| Worn

Six months into the pandemic with no relief in sight and I’m still working to maintain a sense of normalcy from day to day. Getting dressed everyday, even if it's only for a few hours has become an important part of maintaining that.

As summer fades into fall, I’m trying to find things that are technically considered clothing but are so comfortable to wear it’s almost like wearing pajamas!

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This dress checks both of those boxes! I have it in this floral, leopard print and I may have another two on the way! These are great layering pieces. As it gets a little cooler, I plan on wearing them over leggings with a chunky cardigan and my new fuzzy slippers. Although I rarely leave the house these days, I think this dress would also work with a jean jacket, tights and boots/booties on the rare out of the house day.

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When No One Is Watching||Well Read

“HISTORY IS FUCKING WILD.”

And with that, buckle up because Alyssa Cole takes us on a ride!

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This year I’ve read two of Alyssa Cole’s contemporary romance novels so when I heard she was publishing her first thriller, I was excited to read it!

When No One Is Watching follows Sydney, a New York native, as she becomes increasingly uncomfortable with the gentrification going in Gifford Place, the Brooklyn neighborhood where she grew up. After taking a walking tour of a place that she knows like the back of her hand, Sydney, unhappy with the whitewashing of it’s history, decides to put together her own tour. She wants to focus on the black and brown people who originally settled in the area and highlight all of the achievements of the community. Theo, one of her new neighbors who arrives with the first wave of Gifford Place gentrification, volunteers to help her do more background research. Over the course of a few weeks, strange things start to occur. Sydney is struggling to put her life back together after her divorce while caring for her terminally ill mother. The heat, stress, and sleepless nights have her on edge. Is she seeing things or is something diabolical happening in Brooklyn?

I really, really enjoyed this book! I waited until I was about half finished to read any reviews and I limited them to non-spoiler ones. I believe some of the negative opinions of the book had to do more with the marketing of it than the book itself. It’s being sold as a thriller. I don’t think it’s a thriller-at least not by traditional standards. This leans more toward horror. Let me say this, I’m not a fan of horror. I don’t want to watch it. I don’t want to read it. I definitely would have had reservations about reading it if it was marketed to me as horror. I don’t know the ins and outs of publishing and which kinds of books get more sales but if I had to guess, I’d say that the thriller audience is larger and perhaps publishers were looking to get a piece of that market.

I think if you approach the book as horror or a dystopian thriller(is that a thing?)you’ll have fewer issues with how the plot unfolds. The reader needs to be able to suspend belief in a way that you don’t when reading standard thrillers.

At times this book was difficult for me to read. I’m not often triggered by books but the microaggresions and flat out racism were often hard to process. Cole’s exploration of racism and the ways gentrification impact black and brown neighborhoods feels a timely despite it’s fantastical elements. These things are a part of history and still happening across the country.

The trauma of Sydney’s abusive marriage is also woven troughout the story. Sydney is a beautiful and smart woman. It is clear that her ex husband has robbed her of self confidence. The gaslighting she endured in that relationship is one of the reasons she has doubts about the things happening around her She no longer trusts her own instincts. That part of the character resonated deeply with me.

This was a (strong) 4 star read for me! I can’t wait to read more Alyssa Cole.

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Read more about racism and redlining here

Read more about how gentrification effects black communities here and here

Birthday Girl||Worn

Today I Turn 47! Forty-fucking-Seven. I remember being so young that I thought anything over 30 was basically the same as being 70. My how the times have changed.

No fancy date night out this year or drinks with friends but I feel remarkably happy to be here! I’m focusing on appreciating my life in the present and starting to (once again)to make plans for the future. Cheers to another year around the sun!

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Teenage Dream|| Worn


This is a full circle fashion moment.

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“My god, are we gonna be like our parents?” *bonus points if you know the movie ;)

I’m fairly certain I wore this exact outfit nonstop the summer between seventh and eighth grade. The sneakers were probably K-Swiss instead of Adidas. The watch was definitely analog by Swatch. And the shorts were, if memory serves, a little bit longer. I went through several decades thinking my thighs were too big to see the light of day. One of the many things I’d tell my younger self is to wear less clothing!

We aren’t leaving the house too often. But, our library finally reopened and I occasionally get to take a solo trip to pick up books. And for a second, it feels a little bit like how life used to be.

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Evolution

Right after my mom passed away I remember obsessively searching for quotes and articles about grief. I think in those first weeks I was searching for a connection to anything that would indicate that what I was experiencing was survivable.

It’s only fitting that the quote that I wrote down in my journal one gray January day feels so right for this evolution.

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

It just felt like the time for change. I can’t keep waiting for me to manifest perfection so here it goes.

Poppy and Gray is now The Bibliostyle, the place where books meet style. Let’s see what happens next!

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Book Chat || Such A Fun Age( a rant and a review)

A lot of us have more free time right now. One of the ways I’m keeping my brain occupied is by diving deep into my TBR(to be read) list. I managed to read five books in March which I haven’t done for a very long time! I loved two of them. I liked two of them. This one I HATED!

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Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid is a novel that had a lot of buzz around it, especially after it was chosen as a selection for Reese Witherspoon’s book club. The story revolves around two female characters, Alix, a 30 something wealthy white woman, and Emira, her 25-year-old black babysitter. It’s a book that promises to deliver insights into the transactional relationship between wealthy white people and the women of color often hired to love and care for their children. Exploring that complicated relationship and getting the point of view of both of these characters seemed promising. There was no reason that I didn’t think I would love this book.

The book opens with a scene that has become all too familiar. A young black woman is in a Whole Foods-ish type grocery store with her young charge. The security guard questions why this black woman would be with a white child late at night and accuses her of kidnapping. The entire thing is filmed by a bystander on his cell phone. If you thought this incident would drive the plot of this book you would be mostly incorrect.

Emira is mortified by the interaction and even more disgusted at the thought of posting it on social media which was suggested to her by the good samaritan. It does, however, set off some internal conflict in Alix. She becomes terrified that Emira, the only one who seems to be able to connect with her 3-year-old Briar, will quit or even worse, think they’re racist! In order to keep Emira happy, Alix decides to learn more about her and immediately and awkwardly begins to ask Emira all manner of personal questions- about friends, nights out- and when she can’t get more info without seeming entirely too obvious, she takes to gleaning info by checking Emira’s lock screen on her phone. She’s able to learn more about the babysitter’s taste in music, the relationship she has with her sibling and the flirtation between Emira and a new guy.

This is my first issue with this book. Alix is awful. I don’t think that all protagonists need to be good people. In fact, I find women characters who are emotionally complex and even unlikeable often make for compelling reads. Alix is not complex. She has imposter syndrome. Who doesn’t? There is a bit of background story given to make us more empathetic to her internal struggle. However, Alix is in her mid30s and I don’t think that high school drama would impact someone’s behavior so completely. I never understood why she was doing the things she did.

And there was Emira. This character and the scenes where she interacts with her girlfriends are so stilted and seem so inauthentic, I double-checked to see if the author was black. I have a 25 year old daughter and those conversations sound nothing like the snippets I hear when my daughters are hanging out with their friends. Other than the dread Emira feels about her upcoming birthday because she’ll be kicked off of her parents’ insurance and her romance with the bystander of the grocery store incident, we don’t learn much about Emira. We never learn why she hasn’t let her parents know she babysits for extra money especially since it’s not only a job she loves but it’s actually one she excels at. We never learn why she doesn’t want that moment to go viral. And, other than the white lady white ladying notion, we never really learn what she thinks about her previously detached employers suddenly taking a keen interest in her life. I just wanted more from this character. I think that if we’d been given more it would have made the story much more interesting.

And now we come to the reason I ended up hating this book. Alix has a group of girlfriends. Tamra is the “black friend”. She is the point person on blackness for these women. Tamra is the new model for wokeness. She sports her hair in shoulder-length locs. She is well educated and the principal of a prestigious prep school in Manhattan. Her twins sport full, curly afros and speak fluent French. Despite her perceived “wokeness” she exhibits so much antiblackness towards Emira that I was legitimately pissed by the end of the book.

There is a scene toward the end of the book where Alix is unsure about her perception of a situation. She looks to her friends for their opinions and when one of the other women implies( in the nicest possible way!) that Alix’s whiteness may be contributing to how she’s perceiving the issue, Tamra steps in and co-signs Alix’s garbage choice! Really, girl! I have amazing friendships with white women and I think one of the reasons is because they know I will call them out on their privilege in a heartbeat. When you love people you want them to be better, to know better and to do better. Tamra became the black friend white women will use to excuse their behavior and I could not believe she was written by a black author.

The only thing I liked about the book was the relationship between Emira and the little girl she babysits, Briar. I loved the way Emira was able to see the person Briar was and give her what she needed. Riley was able to portray the conflict some of the women hired to care for children may feel. Perhaps the situation is not the best for them but a lot of them will ultimately stay on longer because they feel a responsibility to those kids.

I really wanted to love this book, perhaps that’s why I was so deeply disappointed by it. Have you read it? What did you think?