Word Of The Year|| Unpack

Unpack.

To remove the contents of. To unburden or reveal. To analyze the detail of by examining in detail. To decompress.

Photo by Tucker Good on Unsplash

I think we have all breathed a collective sigh of relief that 2020 is over. And are a bit apprehensive about what 2021 may bring. It would be foolish to think that everything will completely change once the clock strikes 12:00 on January 1. In spite of my pessimistic nature, I can’t help but hope that this year will bring all of the things that we were robbed of last year. In the spirit of letting myself have a little bit of hope, I decided to pick a word for this year. OR, should I say it picked me just as it did in the last two years. It struck me in the middle of another sleepless night, UNPACK.

How will I unpack?

I want to unburden myself of the rage I’ve been living with for the last four years and find a better way to channel that anger into something more productive.

These last 10 months living in lockdown I’ve started to embrace simplicity. Everything feels like a lot! When I look around my space, I want to be surrounded by not just the things I need but also things that I love. 2021 will be the year of going through all of the things and figuring out what stays and what goes in an effort to unburden myself of excess.

Finally, in the past few months, I’ve been working really hard in therapy to understand why I feel so undeserving of the love of friends and family. In a lot of ways, I fear that the more I am me. the more there is to reject. And so, I’m never fully myself in any relationship. This year it’s time for me to stop living like I have one foot out the door. To show up as my full self, unpack, and stay.

Here’s to 2021 my friends.

*I started writing this post on January 1. We’re 12 days in and 2021 is already a dumpster fire. So yeah. Also, fuck Donald Trump and his mob of terrorists. Now. And, forever.

Word Of The Year || M O V E M E N T

Last year I chose the word “Light” for my word of the year. I’m pretty happy with how it worked in helping me make several big changes in my life. As 2019 came to an end and I reflected on things I realized that there were other some areas of my life where I felt really stuck. I hadn’t made much if any progress on my overall fitness and physical health. I also didn’t do as much with this platform as I’d hoped to do.

I’m headed toward 50(Holy crap!) and as I approach the fifth decade of my life, I need some momentum! I decided my word for 2020 is, MOVEMENT. It is defined as 1. the act or process of moving 2.a particular instance and manner of moving 3. tendency or trend 4. a series of organized activities working toward an objective.

This year I want to get unstuck! I want to move. I want to create movement. I want to be a part of a movement bigger than myself. To help me bring things in to focus a little more, I’m choosing a different word every month that will work in tandem with Movement. For January, it’s “prioritize”. I’m prioritizing physical movement by exercising every day for 30 days. I’m prioritizing my studies which will move me further along on my career path and I’m prioritizing the content I put here that aligns more with my vision for the blog.

Here’s to a new year, a new decade, and a movement!

L I G H T

And with the stroke of the clock another year begins and we think about all of the things we want to accomplish. Improvements we want to make. People we’d like to become. The older I get, the less likely I am to shit on proclamations of “New Year, New Me!” Perhaps getting old is enough to deal with. Do I really need to add cynic on top of it?!

I’m a champion self saboteur. So I’ve shied away from resolutions in an effort to keep from beating myself up when I inevitably fail. The last two years I’ve chosen a word to be my touchstone for the year. Plot twist: I failed at that too!

And here’s where that sliver of optimism comes into play, I’m trying it again! Unlike the past two years I didn’t struggle or labor over “my word”. It came so easily that I immediately dismissed it. I haven’t become so Suzy Sunshine that I’m not a little suspicious of things that are easy. But, the more I thought about the more i liked it!

My word for 2019 is L I G H T.

light

/līt/

noun

1. the natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible.

   synonyms:illumination, brightness, luminescence, luminosity, shining, gleaming, gleam, brilliance, radiance, luster, glowing, glow, blaze, glare, dazzle

2. understanding of a problem or mystery; enlightenment. synonyms:aspect, angle, slant, approach, interpretation, viewpoint, standpoint, context, hue, complexion 

verb

1.

provide with light or lighting; illuminate.

synonyms:make bright, brighten, illuminate, lighten, throw/cast light on, shine on

adjective

1. having a considerable or sufficient amount of natural light; not dark.

   "the bedrooms are light and airy"

   synonyms:bright, full of light, well lit, well illuminated, sunny"a light, cheerful room"

The last two years have been heavy. Emotionally draining. Physically exhausting. And it shows. I look back at photos from a few years ago and I see a person with a light in her eyes. A woman who was excited about life and its infinite possibilities. I don’t see that anymore. And, I want that back! I need it! This year I want to reclaim the things that inspired me, that sparked curiosity and self reflection or simply made me happy! I want to lighten myself emotionally by letting go of anger. SO MUCH ANGER. At life, the world, the politics of this country. I want to find a way to work for what I believe in without it consuming me. I want to lighten myself physically. This is the heaviest I’ve been, aside from pregnancy, in a decade. I hate it. It literally drags me down. My emotional health is suffering from it. I want the extra weight gone. But I want to lose it in a way that makes me feel good about myself. I want to be physically strong and capable. The effects of being sedentary are depressing. I have young child and I want to be strong and healthy so I can be better mom for him.

There will be more posts about how I want to apply my word to various aspects of life but for now let’s celebrate surviving the shitstorm that was 2018!

Cheers to 2019! Let’s live in the light!

Photo by Leighann Renee on Unsplash