And with the stroke of the clock another year begins and we think about all of the things we want to accomplish. Improvements we want to make. People we’d like to become. The older I get, the less likely I am to shit on proclamations of “New Year, New Me!” Perhaps getting old is enough to deal with. Do I really need to add cynic on top of it?!
I’m a champion self saboteur. So I’ve shied away from resolutions in an effort to keep from beating myself up when I inevitably fail. The last two years I’ve chosen a word to be my touchstone for the year. Plot twist: I failed at that too!
And here’s where that sliver of optimism comes into play, I’m trying it again! Unlike the past two years I didn’t struggle or labor over “my word”. It came so easily that I immediately dismissed it. I haven’t become so Suzy Sunshine that I’m not a little suspicious of things that are easy. But, the more I thought about the more i liked it!
My word for 2019 is L I G H T.
light
/līt/
noun
the natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible.
synonyms:illumination, brightness, luminescence, luminosity, shining, gleaming, gleam, brilliance, radiance, luster, glowing, glow, blaze, glare, dazzle
understanding of a problem or mystery; enlightenment. synonyms:aspect, angle, slant, approach, interpretation, viewpoint, standpoint, context, hue, complexion
verb
1.
provide with light or lighting; illuminate.
synonyms:make bright, brighten, illuminate, lighten, throw/cast light on, shine on
adjective
having a considerable or sufficient amount of natural light; not dark.
"the bedrooms are light and airy"
synonyms:bright, full of light, well lit, well illuminated, sunny"a light, cheerful room"
The last two years have been heavy. Emotionally draining. Physically exhausting. And it shows. I look back at photos from a few years ago and I see a person with a light in her eyes. A woman who was excited about life and its infinite possibilities. I don’t see that anymore. And, I want that back! I need it! This year I want to reclaim the things that inspired me, that sparked curiosity and self reflection or simply made me happy! I want to lighten myself emotionally by letting go of anger. SO MUCH ANGER. At life, the world, the politics of this country. I want to find a way to work for what I believe in without it consuming me. I want to lighten myself physically. This is the heaviest I’ve been, aside from pregnancy, in a decade. I hate it. It literally drags me down. My emotional health is suffering from it. I want the extra weight gone. But I want to lose it in a way that makes me feel good about myself. I want to be physically strong and capable. The effects of being sedentary are depressing. I have young child and I want to be strong and healthy so I can be better mom for him.
There will be more posts about how I want to apply my word to various aspects of life but for now let’s celebrate surviving the shitstorm that was 2018!
Cheers to 2019! Let’s live in the light!
Photo by Leighann Renee on Unsplash