Just like that...2023

2022 was difficult for many people. I was lucky because most of my struggles last year were of my own making. And while I didn’t accomplish many of the things, I set out to do, I ended the year surrounded by the love of friends and my family and I don’t think it gets much better than that.

When I reflected on the year and thought about the word I wanted to choose as my foundation for 2023, as often the case, I kept returning to one that seemed obvious.

em·brace

/əmˈbrās/

to take or clasp in the arms; press to the bosom; hug.

to take or receive gladly or eagerly; accept willingly:to embrace an idea.

to avail oneself of:to embrace an opportunity.

to adopt (a profession, a religion, etc.):to embrace Buddhism.

to take in with the eye or the mind.

to encircle; surround; enclose:a secret garden embraced by wild shrubs.

to include or contain:An encyclopedia embraces a great number of subjects.

My goal for 2023 is to embrace my skills and talents. I want to lean in to the things I know I’m capable of doing. I want to embrace the community of friends and family, both figuratively and literally, around me as I’ve come to terms with the idea that the people in my life are there because they want to be. There is no reluctant obligation to do so. I don’t want to come to terms with getting old. I want to embrace it fully. Marveling at all of the amazing things this next stage of my life has to offer.

Here’s to 2023 and embracing the most authentic version of myself!

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

Word of the Year|| 2022

New year, same me. Or should I say, slightly better me? Last year, I chose unpack as my word of the year. I knew that there were things I wanted to and desperately needed to unpack- grief, guilt, and shame are the heaviest of them. And while I have stopped making resolutions, I think that having a word of the year to focus on has been essential in helping me reach some goals and set some great habits in the last few years.

Usually, the word comes easy for me. This year was different. I started thinking about it in November and nothing seemed quite right. I have a few specific goals and lots of changes I want to make but they are so different from one another that finding a word that encapsulated all of it was a struggle for me. Ultimately, I made a list of all the things I thought applied to the way I’d like to feel about myself and this year on December 31, 2022. The word that kept coming up was PROGRESS.

noun

/ˈpräɡres/

1: forward or onward movement toward a destination.

2: the process of improving or developing something over a period of time

intransitive verb

1: to move forward

2: to develop to a higher, better, or more advanced stage

One of the things I’ve learned over the last year is to give myself the same grace that I would extend to a stranger. It’s funny how we can be kind and understanding to people we don’t know while lobbing harsh criticism and toxic words at ourselves. Perfection is not attainable. I’m not even sure that it’s something to be lauded and upheld as the standard. It’s the journey on the way to be being our best selves that holds all the good stuff- the hard lessons learned, the challenges overcome, the rethinking of the goal. It’s almost cliché at this point to say “Progress not perfection”. But, that is my goal for this year. Progress towards my better self in all ways both large and those that are barely imperceptible to anyone but me.

Here’s to forward movement, to improving, to being better in whatever way that looks like to me! Here’s to 2022 and to progress!

Word Of The Year|| Unpack

Unpack.

To remove the contents of. To unburden or reveal. To analyze the detail of by examining in detail. To decompress.

Photo by Tucker Good on Unsplash

I think we have all breathed a collective sigh of relief that 2020 is over. And are a bit apprehensive about what 2021 may bring. It would be foolish to think that everything will completely change once the clock strikes 12:00 on January 1. In spite of my pessimistic nature, I can’t help but hope that this year will bring all of the things that we were robbed of last year. In the spirit of letting myself have a little bit of hope, I decided to pick a word for this year. OR, should I say it picked me just as it did in the last two years. It struck me in the middle of another sleepless night, UNPACK.

How will I unpack?

I want to unburden myself of the rage I’ve been living with for the last four years and find a better way to channel that anger into something more productive.

These last 10 months living in lockdown I’ve started to embrace simplicity. Everything feels like a lot! When I look around my space, I want to be surrounded by not just the things I need but also things that I love. 2021 will be the year of going through all of the things and figuring out what stays and what goes in an effort to unburden myself of excess.

Finally, in the past few months, I’ve been working really hard in therapy to understand why I feel so undeserving of the love of friends and family. In a lot of ways, I fear that the more I am me. the more there is to reject. And so, I’m never fully myself in any relationship. This year it’s time for me to stop living like I have one foot out the door. To show up as my full self, unpack, and stay.

Here’s to 2021 my friends.

*I started writing this post on January 1. We’re 12 days in and 2021 is already a dumpster fire. So yeah. Also, fuck Donald Trump and his mob of terrorists. Now. And, forever.

Word Of The Year || M O V E M E N T

Last year I chose the word “Light” for my word of the year. I’m pretty happy with how it worked in helping me make several big changes in my life. As 2019 came to an end and I reflected on things I realized that there were other some areas of my life where I felt really stuck. I hadn’t made much if any progress on my overall fitness and physical health. I also didn’t do as much with this platform as I’d hoped to do.

I’m headed toward 50(Holy crap!) and as I approach the fifth decade of my life, I need some momentum! I decided my word for 2020 is, MOVEMENT. It is defined as 1. the act or process of moving 2.a particular instance and manner of moving 3. tendency or trend 4. a series of organized activities working toward an objective.

This year I want to get unstuck! I want to move. I want to create movement. I want to be a part of a movement bigger than myself. To help me bring things in to focus a little more, I’m choosing a different word every month that will work in tandem with Movement. For January, it’s “prioritize”. I’m prioritizing physical movement by exercising every day for 30 days. I’m prioritizing my studies which will move me further along on my career path and I’m prioritizing the content I put here that aligns more with my vision for the blog.

Here’s to a new year, a new decade, and a movement!

L I G H T

And with the stroke of the clock another year begins and we think about all of the things we want to accomplish. Improvements we want to make. People we’d like to become. The older I get, the less likely I am to shit on proclamations of “New Year, New Me!” Perhaps getting old is enough to deal with. Do I really need to add cynic on top of it?!

I’m a champion self saboteur. So I’ve shied away from resolutions in an effort to keep from beating myself up when I inevitably fail. The last two years I’ve chosen a word to be my touchstone for the year. Plot twist: I failed at that too!

And here’s where that sliver of optimism comes into play, I’m trying it again! Unlike the past two years I didn’t struggle or labor over “my word”. It came so easily that I immediately dismissed it. I haven’t become so Suzy Sunshine that I’m not a little suspicious of things that are easy. But, the more I thought about the more i liked it!

My word for 2019 is L I G H T.

light

/līt/

noun

1. the natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible.

   synonyms:illumination, brightness, luminescence, luminosity, shining, gleaming, gleam, brilliance, radiance, luster, glowing, glow, blaze, glare, dazzle

2. understanding of a problem or mystery; enlightenment. synonyms:aspect, angle, slant, approach, interpretation, viewpoint, standpoint, context, hue, complexion 

verb

1.

provide with light or lighting; illuminate.

synonyms:make bright, brighten, illuminate, lighten, throw/cast light on, shine on

adjective

1. having a considerable or sufficient amount of natural light; not dark.

   "the bedrooms are light and airy"

   synonyms:bright, full of light, well lit, well illuminated, sunny"a light, cheerful room"

The last two years have been heavy. Emotionally draining. Physically exhausting. And it shows. I look back at photos from a few years ago and I see a person with a light in her eyes. A woman who was excited about life and its infinite possibilities. I don’t see that anymore. And, I want that back! I need it! This year I want to reclaim the things that inspired me, that sparked curiosity and self reflection or simply made me happy! I want to lighten myself emotionally by letting go of anger. SO MUCH ANGER. At life, the world, the politics of this country. I want to find a way to work for what I believe in without it consuming me. I want to lighten myself physically. This is the heaviest I’ve been, aside from pregnancy, in a decade. I hate it. It literally drags me down. My emotional health is suffering from it. I want the extra weight gone. But I want to lose it in a way that makes me feel good about myself. I want to be physically strong and capable. The effects of being sedentary are depressing. I have young child and I want to be strong and healthy so I can be better mom for him.

There will be more posts about how I want to apply my word to various aspects of life but for now let’s celebrate surviving the shitstorm that was 2018!

Cheers to 2019! Let’s live in the light!

Photo by Leighann Renee on Unsplash

One Little Word

Last year, I chose cultivate as my one little word. In some ways, I succeeded. I made and nurtured new friendships. The seeds of several new creative endeavors were planted. And, I worked on strengthening some relationships that are very important to me. But, I fell short of how I wanted to use my One Little Word to help me navigate throughout the year. So, this year I'm choosing to COMMIT. I've made a list of goals that I want to either fully accomplish this year or take definite steps towards accomplishing them within the next two years. Long-term planning has never been my strong suit but this year, I'm committed to mapping out the pieces of my life that I've left to chance or neglected in the past.

COMMIT will be my touchstone for decision making this year.  Is this an idea, challenge, goal, relationship that I can fully COMMIT to? If not, why? Am I simply afraid to step up because I fear failure or is there a tangible reason why this can't be a "yes" for me? I think I say #hardpass on lots of things. Not because I can't do them. But, because my fear of success is almost as paralyzing as my fear of failure! What if I stop letting those two assholes make my decisions for me?!   

The less said about 2 0 1 7, the better! So, buckle up 2 0 1 8 because, I'm coming for you! 

Photo by Florian Klauer on Unsplash