Revelation and Revolution

I’m writing this on a gray and rainy day. It's safe to say that fall is here. I was ready for cool, rainy days where I could make tea and settle in with a good book, but now that they’re here, I’m having second thoughts.

These days I’m seeking joy in the little things- favorite places in the city, listening to Purple Rain on vinyl, and fancy shoes on a weekday just because. With the shift from fall to winter and the familiar replaced by uncertainty, I think it's important for everyone to find little joys and bright spots.  

I’m not suggesting we ignore everything happening around us or walk around in a “good vibes only” state of toxic positivity. I’m suggesting that finding joy and celebrating little things is keeping some of your power when many of us feel helpless—a revolution of one to disrupt the status quo.

Vive la révolution

Worn|| She's Overboard and Self-Assured

Confession time.

I was never the grungy, edgy teen with heavy eyeliner and a fuck the establishment attitude. I was much more United Colors of Benetton, Polo popped collar kind of girl who attempted to charm authority. 

Now that I’ve hit 50, aka the land my ‘give a fucks’ went to die, the brooding, angsty in me has been dying to express herself.

That’s the beauty of middle age…the power to reinvent yourself and not a single worry given to what anyone has to say about it. Quoting the wise Sheree Whitfield, "Who gon' check me, boo?"

Because I never had a pair of Doc Martins as a teen, I decided I needed a pair or something similar. I stumbled on this pair in near-perfect condition and in my size for $10 during a recent trip to the thrift store. The rest of the outfit seemed obvious. Nothing says “smells like teen spirit” like fishnets and combat boots.  

boots: similar shorts: similar shirt: similar tights: here

Worn|| This Ain't Texas

Imagine being gifted a musical tour de force like Cowboy Carter and being so caught up in your expectations of who and what country music is supposed to be that you deny yourself a sublime listening experience. Couldn’t be me …

I’m not saying that Cowboy Carter has become my entire personality but when you see me out in cutoffs and cowboy boots don’t say I didn’t warn you!

And, We're Back...

Oh, hey! Long time no blog. I wondered if I'd ever fire this thing up again and despite the push towards short-form video content nothing grabs me like words on a page (or screen) and photos. I'm old-fashioned that way. 

Not much has changed in my life since my last post. I haven't been busy. Life isn't too challenging right now. There haven't been any unexpected plot twists. I've just been trying to stay present. Enjoying the moments as they happen. That small shift has been great for my mental health.

Anyway, here I am. A girl. Standing in front of a brick wall. Asking you to read this blog post and follow along as I attempt to navigate this new season of life.  

Worn || Gingham Style

August is a weird month. Many people are focused on getting themselves or their kids ready to return to school, so there’s always a little hope that comes with fresh starts and new school supplies.

I have an August birthday and this month has always been about endings. The end of another trip around the sun. The end of those long sun-drenched days filled with possibility. So long summer romance. Goodbye to my golden summer tan.

I’m going to do everything I can to hold on to the last few glorious days of summer, embrace the sweetness of August and reflect on my last few weeks as a fortysomething.

Worn|| Such a Slacker

My quest for more simple things to wear that aren’t leggings led me to The Dream Factory, aka, the thrift store. It really is the place where sartorial dreams come true. I have $100 Antrhopologie Dress that I bought for $7 and $10 sequin JCrew skirt to prove it.

Anyway, the goal of this specific trip was to find pants specifically slacks. Since I wanted them to have a baggier fit while still being tailored, I hit up the men’s department. I especially love shopping for pants in the men’s section because the fashion industry allows men to have an assortment of lengths for their pants and I don’t have to worry about getting them hemmed. I snagged these Hagar Collection men’s trousers for $5. I paired it with another thrift favorite, the vintage Ms. Pacman shirt that I bought at Goodwill for a whopping $1.50 on a half-off tag day.

Because no outfit lately feels complete without a pair of kicks, I’m wearing my Stan Smith Adidas. I used to spend my free time searching for and most of my paychecks buying a pair of killer high heels. I currently have five pairs of sneakers on my wish list. Life is weird like that.

Ms. PacMan Shirt similar here Trousers similar here Jean Jacket similar here Kate Spade Tote Stan Smith Adidas

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Worn|| Tulle the Point

If you had told me five years ago, I would be having another crisis of personal style because my days would be spent in comfy clothes that hide baby puke, I wouldn’t have believed you, yet, here we are.

When our daughter told us she was pregnant, I happily volunteered to watch our grandson during the day when she went back to work. I’m over the moon that I get to spend so much quality time with him. But just when I pulled myself out of a style rut that comes with being a stay-at-home to a young kiddo, my days are now spent taking care of the cutest 5-month-old ever. And that means comfortable and spit-up resistant. It also means that I relish the chance to dress up a little whenever possible.

Saturday we were lucky enough to help a friend celebrate his 5oth birthday. Is pink tulle kind of over the top? Absolutely. Did I wear it anyway? Also, absolutely.

I tried to tone it down by adding a puffer vest and sneakers. I like the way it turned out.

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Generation Inspiration

I’ve had a pair of vegan leather- pleather for all the GenXers in the crowd- on my Pinterest board for a few years. I’ve had them in various online shopping carts for months. For whatever reason, I couldn’t click buy. Maybe it was the thrifting gods whispering “we got you” in my ear. But, a few months ago I went thrifting with my daughter, and there they were. The perfect size, exactly what I was looking for, and only 7.99.

I will confess that most days I wear a uniform that consists of leggings and a sweater. If I’m feeling fancy, I swap out the leggings for a pair of jeans. I’m trying to force myself out of this rut. What’s the point in buying things I love if I never wear them?

First, I styled them in the way I would most likely wear them- blouse, trench, and heels. Classic and appropriate for most occasions, although I would probably swap out the stilettos for something with a chunky heel if I was headed out for the day with my 8-year-old.

Then I got some fit inspo from the Tik Tok generation. This time I paired them with a chunky sweater, a hat, and my Air Force 1s. I gotta say the kids are alright because I really like this!

Worn||Coming of Age

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about aging. Living through a pandemic gives the saying “growing old isn’t guaranteed”, a certain poignancy I hadn’t considered. However, knowing what a gift growing old is doesn’t make it easier to accept. Being nearly 50 in a culture that is youth-obsessed is hard. And as much as I wouldn’t want to be 20, or even 30, for all of the money in the world, I can’t help constantly comparing myself to the images we’re inundated with on social media. I find myself checking the mirror daily for a wrinkle that wasn’t there the day before. Being discouraged because I now have to work out twice as hard to get half the results that used to happen with very little effort. Even my eyebrows are sprouting gray hair. It’s honestly rude at this point! I vacillate between feeling like my life is over and wanting to do all of the things before I run out of time…or energy.

Worn|| Coming of Age

I remember my mom telling me that her 30s were the decade she had the most fun, her 40s were the decade that she really got to enjoy being a mom, and her 50s were the decade where she fully came into her own. I guess there’s something to the idea that once no one is checking for you(as the kids say!), you’re free to do exactly what you damn well, please. I’m working on shifting my focus from the things I feel have passed me by. Instead, choosing to pursue the things that I’m currently passionate about. When I think about all that I’m capable of I’m excited to step into the next decade.

Worn|| Rambling

For the first time in four years, I’m not living with a knot of anxiety in my soul. I’m a little lighter. There’s a tiny sliver of optimism that pops its head out every now and then.

Strangely, I’ve also been exhausted and really, really sad. It’s dawned on me that like a lot of us who have faced each day of the Trump administration braced for horror and new lows, I’ve been running on a mixture of rage and anxiety. Survival mode. The pandemic has just become another thing to “get through”. And now that one threat has been vanquished, I have space to grieve for the things that we’ve lost in this last year. The big things- babies being born, graduations, weddings, birthdays- and the smaller ones- Sunday brunch, afternoons at the art museum, spa days, and date nights- all gone for those of us who have been following orders to shelter at home. I used to think a lot about how absolutely normal and mundane my life was. The life of a middle-aged suburban housewife is only exciting when scripted by the execs at Bravo. I never would have guessed that the loss of “normal” would leave such a Grand Canyon-sized hole in not only how I perceive the world, but also in how I view myself. If my role as a wife and a mother is to comfort and care for my family and the ways in which I’ve done that are suddenly not accessible, then what is my purpose?

This long ramble is just to say I feel unmoored in this new normal. I think it’s part of grieving all that we have lost. And, if you’re feeling that way too, please know that you are not alone.