Word of the Year|| 2022

New year, same me. Or should I say, slightly better me? Last year, I chose unpack as my word of the year. I knew that there were things I wanted to and desperately needed to unpack- grief, guilt, and shame are the heaviest of them. And while I have stopped making resolutions, I think that having a word of the year to focus on has been essential in helping me reach some goals and set some great habits in the last few years.

Usually, the word comes easy for me. This year was different. I started thinking about it in November and nothing seemed quite right. I have a few specific goals and lots of changes I want to make but they are so different from one another that finding a word that encapsulated all of it was a struggle for me. Ultimately, I made a list of all the things I thought applied to the way I’d like to feel about myself and this year on December 31, 2022. The word that kept coming up was PROGRESS.

noun

/ˈpräɡres/

1: forward or onward movement toward a destination.

2: the process of improving or developing something over a period of time

intransitive verb

1: to move forward

2: to develop to a higher, better, or more advanced stage

One of the things I’ve learned over the last year is to give myself the same grace that I would extend to a stranger. It’s funny how we can be kind and understanding to people we don’t know while lobbing harsh criticism and toxic words at ourselves. Perfection is not attainable. I’m not even sure that it’s something to be lauded and upheld as the standard. It’s the journey on the way to be being our best selves that holds all the good stuff- the hard lessons learned, the challenges overcome, the rethinking of the goal. It’s almost cliché at this point to say “Progress not perfection”. But, that is my goal for this year. Progress towards my better self in all ways both large and those that are barely imperceptible to anyone but me.

Here’s to forward movement, to improving, to being better in whatever way that looks like to me! Here’s to 2022 and to progress!

Worn || Fruit Stripe

LulaRoe swept through my mom community like a tidal wave. One minute I’d never heard of it and five minutes later I was joining the cult of buttery leggings. Postpartum 2015 was a very strange time, friends. I was never a fanatic but I did manage to score a few pairs of those super soft leggings. They were the closest thing to wearing pajamas while still being “presentable” for the public. Although, one could ask if grown-ups being clad in the adult equivalent of Garanimals is really presentable for public consumption. But, that’s a conversation for another time.

Like almost everyone I know, I watched LuLaRich on Amazon Prime to get the behind-the-scenes story on how awful this company is. It was fascinating! I’ve long since donated my LulaRoe leggings and despite the stories online detailing how much of the inventory of former sellers ended up at thrift stores across the country, I’ve never actually seen it in any of my thrifting trips. Last week on the hunt for a few new sweaters, I spotted a brightly colored sleeve among the racks at my local Goodwill. I knew it was coming home with me. I was shocked to see that it was LuLaRoe! The quality was great and the stripes actually lined up. It was a LuLaCorn!

Cardigan- LuLaRoe- Thrifted similar one here || Oxford Button Down- Old Navy- Thrifted similar one here|| Jeans- Levi’s Jeans- here ||Booties- old as hell but similar ones here

*links are affiliate and I will receive a small commission if you choose to shop with them.*

Project Bloom || NaNoWriMo 2021

It’s a new month and a new challenge. November means NaNoWriMo in the author community. If you’ve never heard of it, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month, and authors challenge themselves to write 50,000 words or the first draft of a novel.

There are two basic kinds of participants- Plotters, who show up on Nov 1 with a detailed outline. And, Pantsters-those brave souls who wake up on Nov 1 with a good idea, a laptop, and vibes!

I have attempted NaNo several times as a pantster without much success. It finally dawned on me, the person with multiple planners and to do lists, that I’m probably not actually a pantster. Duh! At the end of September I started looking for resources that would be helpful to me in November. I bought the book Save The Cat! Writes a Novel and watched approximately a million videos on YouTube from both traditionally published and Indie authors. I’d had a kernel of an idea in my head for a contemporary romance with two 40 something characters. I used October to flesh out the idea and to my surprise, not only was I able to expand on it, I was able to construct two really interesting characters and a decent plot! I’m not under any impression that I’m writing the next great American novel. In fact, I’m actually giving myself permission to write something that will likely be pretty awful! For me this isn’t just about starting and completing the 50k word challenge, it’s also about letting go. Letting myself do something because I want to do it without any expectation of perfection. Giving myself grace. Not holding myself to the impossibly high standards that always find a way to convince me I’m not good enough or that I’m going to fail. No one is expecting me to be the next Toni Morrison. I think that’s what has given me the most joy during the last month I’ve spent outlining the book. I have no expectations for what I might create so I’m just going for it!

Project Bloom is a contemporary rom-com featuring a couple who had a mutual attraction that never got off the ground in high school. Think Hope Floats meets Something New with a sprinkle of Gilmore Girls. After a meet cute at the farmer’s market, they find themselves on the committee tasked with planning their High School Reunion. What happens when the girl that got away stumbles back into his life with 30 years worth of baggage? What will she do when the boy who’s smile left her speechless breezes back into her life nursing a broken heart? Will they get their Happily Ever After? I guess I need to get to writing to see how it all plays out!

I made a playlist and if you’re a GenXer let me know what song reminds you the most of your high school romance.

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October Book Chat|| Thrill Me

I’ve been in a bit of a reading slump lately. I’ve read lots of ok books but nothing that really wowed me. October is spooky season and there’s something about the fall that makes me want to light candles, make a giant cup of coffee, and settle in with a fantastic thriller!

Last winter I discovered Samantha Downing by reading her first book, My Lovely Wife. That book shook me like Gone Girl and Sharp Objects. Gillian Flynn walked so that Samantha Downing could run! Her second book He Started It was just as twisty as the first. She has a thing for sinister family dynamics, unreliable narrators, and unlikeable characters that are very compelling. I just finished her latest novel, For Your Own Good. It’s a thriller set at a prestigious private school where people suddenly start dying. It’s very heavy on the unlikeable characters. You’ve been warned! As a graduate of a prestigious private school, I’m not saying that I wished death on a classmate but I wouldn’t have been upset if a wicked bout of Mono rendered a few of them unable to attend school for the rest of the year…I’m just sayin’

I have a few more thrillers on my TBR for the rest of the year. Have you read anything good lately?

Worn|| It's A Wrap

Summer is officially over. I’m not sorry to see the heat go but that doesn’t mean that I’m in a hurry to put away all of my favorite summer dresses and skirts.

I bought this skirt at a local shop and I haven’t given it much love until this summer. I consider it my good luck skirt since I was wearing it the day I ran into Leslie Odoms Jr (yes, that LOJ!) on a sidewalk in downtown Cincinnati, but for whatever reason, I hardly ever wore it until this summer. The lightweight silk skirt paired with a tank top or a plain white t-shirt was an easy way for me to look put together in 10 minutes.

Today I when I spied my husband’s shirt on the ironing board, I remembered how I used to be much more adventurous with mixing patterns and styles when getting dressed. And, honestly, wearing your partner’s shirt all day is a top-notch way to make you feel……you get the point. I’d go into more detail but our kids read these blog posts and I don’t want to gross them out! Anyway, his gingham button-down paired with this skirt and my favorite boots were perfect for an early fall day outfit.

Pumpkin Spice

I think many of us consider Labor Day the official end of summer. Most kids are back in school and our thoughts turn to sweater weather in spite of the often sweltering late-summer temperatures.

We’re trying to continue with some of our favorite fall traditions even though a lot of our plans have been canceled because of Covid concerns. Hitting up a pumpkin farm would definitely be something we typically do closer to Halloween but to avoid the(largely unmasked!) crowds, we decided to go on a 90degree Saturday in September.

Heat index aside, we managed to have a great afternoon that gave me enough of the fall feels to tide me over until it’s actually Fall. I’m looking forward to finding new and pandemic cautious ways to tick off some of the things on our Fall Bucket list.

And, Another One

I’m not a person who loves celebrating my birthday. It’s been a time when I usually allow myself to fall into a depression and start ruminating over all of the things I’m not. But, this year something is different. I’ve noticed a small shift in mindset. I suspect all of the loss, sadness, and anxiety of the last few years has made me wildly grateful that I’ve survived. Instead of wallowing in the what-ifs, this year I’m thinking of all of the things in my life - my husband, our kids, our granddaughter, my friendships, therapy, group chats that make me laugh all day, oat milk lattes, noise-canceling headphones, Schitt’s Creek memes, strawberry ice cream- that make my heart happy. That make me infinitely grateful to see every single day.

I can’t promise the angst and ennui won’t return. I’m a GenXer, it’s what we do! But, today as I start my 48th trip around the sun, I’m embracing my life in this moment and celebrating all the good things!

Worn|| On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

::taps on mic:: Is this thing on? I know I’m a GenXer so being a slacker is in my blood, but I didn’t mean to take that long of a break!

Lately, much of my internet surfing has been giving me the same sort of message over and over. It basically says to stop doubting myself. It reminds me that there are people out here living my dream. The one I’ve been too terrified to pursue. It yells at me to believe in my own excellence as much as some people champion their mediocrity.

August is my birthday month. I usually greet it with about as much enthusiasm as one feels for rain on your wedding day(shout out to Alanis!), but this month what if I listened to all of those whispers I’ve been hearing in the universe. What if instead of shrugging them off as flights of fancy, I embraced them. I may not be big on celebrating my birthday but this month, the one in which I’ll begin yet another trek around the sun, I’m gifting myself grace and going all in! I’m going to lean into all of the things I’ve wanted to do and take baby steps into becoming the woman I want to be. I’m going all-in on all of the uniquely wonderful things I bring to the table.

As of late, I’ve been working on countering all of the negative self-talk I bombard myself with daily. My usual response to hearing “there’s only one of you” would be “thank, God.” But, in this vast universe, there IS only one of me and that’s fucking amazing! All of this time I’ve been punishing myself for being imperfect while denying myself the absolute joy that lives in celebrating my humanity! I’m putting you on notice August, I’m coming for you!

Worn||A Well-Dressed Mess

Mother’s Day came and went this year without a post from me. It was the second one without my mom and in all honesty, I was unprepared for how hard it would hit me. Most of last year was spent in a haze of personal grief and collective mourning for all that we were losing almost daily. I was numb last year. This year I felt the weight of my own personal loss. Perhaps, I should say, I finally allowed myself to feel the weight of my loss.

Like lots of mothers and daughters, my mom and I had a complicated relationship. Sometimes we were so alike that most people would never notice how vast our differences were. And, I think I always believed those monumental differences meant that I would never be the daughter she was proud of. I always believed the times she voiced doubt about my choices or concern for the direction of my life it was judgment. I thought her interest in our commonalities was pressure for me to do those things the exact same way that she did. I never suspected that perhaps I was teaching her or that she was excited to see something she loved become something important to me.

I’ve been struggling in therapy a lot lately which is really how it goes. Every breakthrough is followed by a breakdown. Because growth can be as painful as it is powerful. Both awesome and terrifying. So, my therapist gave me homework. I had to write a letter to myself laying out all of the reasons why I’m not that broken person I was in my past. The girl I jokingly call, The Well Dressed Mess. The Bespoke Basketcase. The Fuck Up in the lovely Frock.

I won’t go into all the details I laid out in that letter but the one that is sticking with me and the one I’ve been unable to really say out loud is that I can’t be that old version of myself because I am my mother’s legacy.

In the few years before she died, we weren’t very close. Miscommunication and hurt feelings were at the root of it. But, I’d finally started to work past some of them. We started talking a little more. My visits weren’t so few and far between. Honestly, I thought we’d have more time. We didn’t. And I’ve carried so much guilt. Guilt that wouldn’t let me say that I miss her so much. Guilt that wouldn’t let me tell people how very much I loved her. And that guilt would never let me say that I can’t go back to being the well-dressed mess because it’s not who my mom raised me to be.

Whenever I was facing a conflict or a crisis, I could go to her. We’d have coffee and I would cry it out. She’d wipe my tears and rub my back. Saying, “I know….I know…it’s okay sweetie….” over and over until I was soothed. When I was ready to go back out into the world she’d give me a hug and whisper “give ‘em hell, Rae!” in my ear as I left.

So even when the fight to stay mentally healthy is incredibly difficult and all of the demons from my past are being kept at bay by the thinnest of razor wire, I will not be that person ever again because I’m starting to realize that I’m growing into the woman my mom always knew I was.

I’m still here mama, and I’m doing my damndest to give ‘em hell!

But First...

So Starbucks launched new drinks a few weeks ago. According to the baristas on Twitter, they had no idea they were going to be such a hit. I tried the Brown Sugar Oat Milk Shaken Espresso exactly one time ,which was enough for me to become obsessed with it, before it became almost impossible to get another one! Subsequent trips to Starbucks have left me frustrated. They’ve been out of oatmilk or out of the brown sugar syrup or both! Honestly, it’s enough to send to me Dunkin’….kidding!

Anyway, I decided to figure out how to make them at home in order to satisfy my craving. I have to say, mine is a pretty close dupe!

We have an espresso machine but honestly, I’m not about that life and I find it slightly intimidating. Cold brew is the next best thing. And, how did I not know that you can buy a pitcher specifically for making cold brew?! Next up make your simple syrup. I used 1 cup of water and 1 cup of brown sugar. Add oat milk…and it’s really just that easy!