You Say It's Your Birthday!

Hey, girl, hey!! 

Today you turn 45. I'm sure you're supposed to have feelings about it but you don't. Or should I say, you don't have any feelings about it that you've been able to fully process? I do know that saying it out loud seems heavy, substantial. It feels like everything should be different but it's unremarkable in its sameness. At some point, you'll sit down and have a proper cry and mild existential crisis as GenXers are prone to do. I know you thought you would have conquered the world by now but these days you count any day you wear actual pants and finish your coffee before it needs to be reheated as a win. And, that's ok. Life may not be as grand as you dreamed it to be as 10-year-old, but it's a hell of a lot better than you ever imagined it would be as that wounded and fragile 25-year-old. Remembering that girl we used to be hurts my heart.

But, you put yourself back together, baby girl.  You are learning to love yourself. You fell in love and got married. You watched your children grow into pretty kick ass adults. You had your miracle baby and survived PPD. You embraced your new life with a new baby and like most of the time, you fucking rocked it! You became a grandmother! Fuck! Girl, I know. But that baby has changed you in ways you never thought she would. Basically, your life can be summed up by one of those cliche graphic t-shirts at Target. And, guess what? You are perfectly happy with it! 

via GIPHY

Your first 45 years have been pretty great! I can't wait to see what you do next!  And, to quote the great American philosopher, RuPaul, "if you don't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else!" 

xoxo

PS-

via GIPHY

Worn{fancy dress day}

Wearing a dress always looks more put together than it feels. Essentially when I don't want to deal with waistbands, ironing, or finding two things that look good together, I'll wear a dress! Sometimes it turns a regular day into fancy dress day and I feel like a proper adult!  I'm in the process of going thru my closet with a more critical eye because the amount of STUFF is overwhelming me at this point! But, that deserves it's own post. This dress is one of the things that will definitely be staying. I can't think of one item of clothing I've purchased lately that feels more like me than this dress! 

Mondays Are For Messes

Some of my best moments with Rowan are when I get to show him my favorite little places in the city. I love being able to watch his eyes light up as he falls in love with them too! 

A few weeks ago, we ventured out to one of those little gems, Blue Manatee. I've taken him here a dozen or so times before. But, the most amazing part of having a four-year-old is watching how magical the world is for them! Rowan takes everything in and needs to process the surroundings for a while. Even as he gets more comfortable it takes time for him to warm up and engage. Because of this, I'm always worried. But really, I had nothing to worry about! 

The new location is just as cozy and wonderful as it's previous space. The staff is warm and generous. Ms. Kellie is amazing with the kids. We had such a great morning "making a mess" a Blue Manatee!  

He's already asked to go back to for another messy Monday! I think that means he loves it as much as I do! 

worn{carnaby street}

For whatever reason, these pants give me a very London 1960s vibe. Perhaps it's the groovy pattern or the union jack color palette. Whatever the reason, they are one of those things I've pulled out of the donate pile several times, unable to let them go. 

We've also reached the stage of summer where it is unbearably hot! I don't want to deal with the flat iron so the big hair is back! And I can't go out naked so I wear whatever I want!

For some reason, I've also been itching for a big change! I think it probably has a lot to do with my rapidly approaching birthday and the heat. It's a scientific fact that those two things have been known to make a girl do the unexpected! I guess you'll just have to stick around and see exactly what that means. 

Worn {of the same stripe}

It's finally here! The never-ending winter has bid us farewell and spring is FINALLY here! I hope. I'm taking full advantage of these longer and warmer days by diving into my closet and digging out all of my favorite dresses. This was one of the offerings from the Victoria Beckham|Target collab. I managed to wear it a grand total of one time last year. Womp. Womp. I love it so I'm not sure why it's been passed over so many times. I think sometimes I get caught up on how I think something should look instead of considering how it should be styled to fit into my everyday life

So today, it's back to the basics. Flat sandals are a requirement for chasing down lightning quick little ones. And, a glittery belt because on Wednesdays-and any other day- we wear glitter!

"whatcha doin' wit da camera mama? say cheese!" Cute little photobomber! 

Worn{as time goes by}

I remember in the early days of my blogging, there was this endless need to have it first. I suppose in many ways that hasn't really changed be it fashion bloggers, lifestyle bloggers or mommy bloggers. The endless pursuit of the "new" will always be there. As I took a step back and focused on other things, I realized that most of the things I treasured in my closet or found myself reaching for time and time again weren't necessarily my newest goodies, they were the timeless pieces that made me feel confident when I was dressed. 

And while my need to stuff my closet with fancy skirts and dresses has slowed because my lifestyle has changed in the last four years, I decided to indulge myself during a big sale this past January. This dress is so pretty and I can see grabbing it on those occasions where I want to feel a little bit sexy without having to worry too much about it. The coat is at least ten years old from the days when I shopped at the Banana Republic faithfully and because cute, closed toe, and comfortable heels are hard to come by, these shoes remain a favorite! 

Spring Table

I know among bloggers and avid Instagram users there seems to be a consensus that Fall is the best season of the year. Boots, and sweaters, and pumpkin spice, oh my!  What's not to love?! But for me, Spring is where it's at! Warmer temps are finally making their debut. Things are starting to turn green and all of my favorite flowers are starting to bloom! Allergies aside, I adore spring! 

While I'm sure it's connected to the "rebirth" messages that are intrinsically linked to the season, I always start to think a great deal about memories, occasions and celebrations and the way we seem to want to box them off. Reserve them for something we deem deserving of the festivities. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that our everyday lives are worthy of celebrating too! So even if you're just grabbing a pizza on your way home from work, why not break out your fancy dishes and treat yourself?! 

Oh Baby!

If you follow me on Instagram or know me in real life, then you know that last October my daughter and son-in-law announced that they were expecting their first baby! I'm going to be a grandma, a Gigi, a Mimi, a Gran...I'm campaigning hard for Gray(which is a combination of my first and middle name!)but my family remains unconvinced.    

A few weeks ago, we had a house full of friends and family to celebrate with Rian and welcome baby Olivia to the family. Her one request was nothing too over the top girly because it was a co-ed shower. Instead of a theme, I opted to for a color palette of pale pink, peach, gold and light wood accents. I found some clip art on Etsy that I thought would be perfect for the invitations and signs at the shower. 

We decided to have a brunch mostly because I wanted to have a biscuit bar! Neither of us is a fan of shower games. In lieu of sniffing diapers or melting ice cubes with tiny babies in them, I set up a headband station. Everyone including the guys had fun being creative and making darling headpieces for our girl. 

It was a laidback afternoon with family and friends. It gave me such joy to host this day. I'm already so in love with you Olivia! Get here soon, your grandpa and I can't wait to meet you! 

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Worn{winter florals}

How is it that February is the shortest month of the year but feels like it is literally 800 days long?! It must be the combination of post-holiday hangover, the cold, and another month of days when what little sun we have makes itself scarce at 5 o'clock! To be perfectly honest, February was a rough month emotionally. I think it was for lots of people. I'm still processing a lot of what happened both personally and globally. I suspect I will be for months to come. 

My word of the year is C O M M I T.  Committing to caring for myself is a huge part of that. It is so easy for me to fall into a cycle where I let anxiety control me, refuse to leave the house and spend days in my pajamas. I'm also trying to be more mindful of routines that give me comfort as well as consistency. In February, my goal was to get up and get dressed at least 4 days a week even if we didn't have plans. Going through the motions of getting myself dressed, doing my hair and a quick makeup routine made me feel better. Especially when I was struggling with so many other things.  In an effort to be transparent, I didn't always succeed. I tried not to beat myself up too much over falling short of my goal because every little bit kept me from letting my depression spiral into something bigger and less manageable. 

February Reading Goals

The other day I was catching up on some of my favorite YouTube channels when I stumbled across several #FEMMEUARY videos from a few booktubers. One of the things I committed to doing this year was reading more books by women authors. February also happens to be Black History month in the states. This month is the perfect time to dive into my TBR list of books authored by women of color. 

This list is also fairly ambitious for me,sadly, I haven't read this many books in a month in a very long time! 

Parable of the Talents by Octavia Butler

Swing Time by Zadie Smith

No One is Coming to Save Us by Stephanie Powell Watts

The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson

The only author on this list I'm familiar with is Zadie Smith. I read White Teeth years ago when it was originally published. I have seen Octavia Butler mentioned more frequently in light of today's political climate. The others are new to me authors. I've never been more excited to dive into a pile of books! Feel free to join me and add some books by WOC authors to reading list this month.  

Here are two of my favorites discussing their plans for reading this month.