A woman on Threads said she was exhausted trying to keep up with beauty standards in her late 40s—botox, filler, hair dye, the whole thing. She wanted to know how to get comfortable with aging.

My answer: I decentered men and the male gaze. I went to therapy. I realized how I look is the least interesting thing about me.

But here's what I didn't say in that comment, and what I'm saying now: I struggled with an eating disorder for almost 20 years. When I think about all that time I spent hating my body, all the joy I missed because I was convinced I was too ugly to deserve it—I grieve.

New post about beauty standards, the male gaze, and what's actually at stake when we organize our lives around looking "acceptable."