A woman on Threads said she was exhausted trying to keep up with beauty standards in her late 40s—botox, filler, hair dye, the whole thing. She wanted to know how to get comfortable with aging.

My answer: I decentered men and the male gaze. I went to therapy. I realized how I look is the least interesting thing about me.

But here's what I didn't say in that comment, and what I'm saying now: I struggled with an eating disorder for almost 20 years. When I think about all that time I spent hating my body, all the joy I missed because I was convinced I was too ugly to deserve it—I grieve.

New post about beauty standards, the male gaze, and what's actually at stake when we organize our lives around looking "acceptable."

I don’t choose my word of the year lightly.

I sit with it. Trying it on like sweaters in a dressing room. Cultivate. Intentional. Grace. Some look good but the fit isn’t right or it’s too itchy when I move. Others- Strength. Connect. Expansion - are discarded immediately.

This year, one word refused to be ignored.

Audacity.

Not the loud, chest-thumping kind. Not arrogance. Not recklessness.
But the deep, steady nerve to take up space. To want what I want. To move as if my life actually belongs to me.

With the current state of the world we’re living in, audacity feels like both rebellion and survival.

Audacity showed up slowly.

It crept in through frustration. Through anger. Through that bone-deep exhaustion that comes from watching deeply unqualified, unethical people fail upward loudly and without consequence, while the rest of us are taught to be grateful for scraps and silence.

At some point I thought:
If they can move through the world with that much unearned confidence… surely I can take one small step toward the life I actually want.

That was it. It clicked.

Audacity isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about stopping the constant negative internal dialogue.

Audacity gets a bad rap, especially for women, especially for Black women.

We’re taught:

Don’t be too much
Don’t ask for too much
Don’t expect too much
Don’t want too loudly

So let me be clear about how I’m defining it this year.

Audacity is:

Saying yes without apologizing
Remembering no is a complete sentence
Creating before permission is granted
Believing my work has value before it’s validated
Acting as if my time is precious, because it is

Audacity is trusting myself.

It’s not about bullying others.
It’s about refusing to bully myself.

I’m at a point in my life where shrinking feels riskier than trying.

I want to publish books.
I’m building a creative life.
I’m allowing myself to want more without shame.

Audacity gives me something solid to return to when doubt creeps in.

When I hear:

Who do you think you are?
Is this too late?
What if it doesn’t work?
Audacity answers:
You are exactly who you think you are.
It’s never too late.
It’s okay to want to try.

Sometimes audacity looks like bold action.
Sometimes it looks like rest.
Sometimes it looks like not explaining myself to people who have already decided to misunderstand me.

I keep reminding myself:

Audacity doesn’t mean fear disappears.
It means fear doesn’t get the final say.

I don’t need to be fearless.
I just need to be willing.

Willing to be seen.
Willing to be imperfect.
Willing to disappoint people who benefit from my silence.
Willing to build a life that finally feels like mine.

There is so much uncertainty and chaos this year. I have no idea how it’s going to turn out.
But, I know I’m done waiting for permission that I never actually needed.

Audacity is my reminder that I am allowed to choose myself, not once, not dramatically, but again and again in small, ordinary, powerful ways.

And if that makes me “too much”?

Good.
I’ve spent enough of my life being not enough on purpose.

Here’s to audacity.
Quiet. Steady. Unapologetic.