This was not the post I had planned. The post planned was supposed to be one singing the praises of a local berry farm capped with a photo of a spectacular blackberry cake! Well as close to a spectacular baked good as someone who is a terrible baker can get. But, the last two weeks I’ve really been struggling a lot with my mental health. And so, here we are.

These are the days when I worry exponentially that loving Rowan is simply not enough. I adore this kid with my whole entire heart but I don’t think I’m parenting in a way that gives him what he needs when I’m barely hanging on. Getting him ready for the day is hard. Engaging with him is harder. Y’all I’m so incredibly tired. Yesterday he asked me if I liked him and it nearly broke me. He is clearly picking up on the fact that EVERYTHING including caring for him is really a struggle for me. And, because he’s a kid it feels like mama doesn’t like him. These are also the days when even though the exhaustion from doing the things I’m supposed to do to feel better weighs me down like a brick, I fight harder. I refuse to let myself sink into the cycle of depression that is so bad I don’t want to get out of bed and anxiety so intense it literally takes my breath away. I know that despite my brain sending me messages that make me think otherwise, I have so much to live to for because this too shall pass. Just know that if you are a parent struggling with mental illness while doing your very best to give the the very best of yourself every day, you are not in this alone.