Good-bye

My mom passed away on January 10. It’s been a week since her burial and everything feels different but also the same. I wasn’t sure I could speak at her funeral but in the end, I did because it’s what she would have wanted.

These were my words about her…

Mothers and daughters are a complicated thing. But, I was hers and she was mine, Now she’s gone and I’m not sure how I’ll exist in a world without her.

This week I’ve been thinking of what I could say about her and I keep coming back to a line from the third act of Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream….

“Though she be but little, she is fierce!”

And, that was my mom. Everyone knows about her fierce sense of style, but she also had a fierce and sometimes inappropriate sense of humor, easing tension and sometimes embarrassing her teenage daughter with a quick one-liner and a smile!

She loved fiercely, deeply and unconditionally! I described her to one of my daughters as a tiny love bomb raining down affection on those she loved. Once she decided you were one of her people, YOU WERE ONE OF HER PEOPLE! She was black girl magic before it had a name! She sashayed so that we could twirl. I know that she would look out at this crowd filled with love, flash that million-dollar smile, do a tiny fist pump and say “YASSSSSS babies!”

She lived fiercely. Confidently. Without regret. She dreamed big, technicolor dreams and then she made them come true!

She was all of those things. But, she was also just mom. Mom who made me oatmeal and toast every morning for breakfast until I graduated from high school. Mom who encouraged my love of reading and art, flowers and fashion. She was mom who held my hand as I became a mom and soothed my heart when it was broken. And when the world was too heavy, no matter how old I was, I could crawl into her bed and she would hug me and make it better.

She always left the same message on my voicemail, “Rae, it’s your mom. Call me! Your gonna miss me when I’m dead and gone”. I’d roll my eyes and say “sure, mom!” never imagining we would be here and how right she would be. I miss her already. And, I’m so sad.

Thank you, mama, for loving me fiercely even when I felt undeserving of it. I’m the woman, wife, and mother I am because of you and the world was a better place because you were here.

Going Gray || Let's Get Physical

Can we talk about aging? More specifically, can we talk about women aging? I think about how hard it must be for kids to grow up in the internet age where they are constantly blasted by ideals of perfection. The perfect aesthetic, the perfect relationship, the perfect body, and the perfect face. Even as a 46-year-old, I’m not immune to those pressures. Tyra Banks, Gabrielle Union, Heidi Klum, and Marisa Tomei are all incredibly beautiful women who are also 46. Nothing short of a deal with the devil would put me in the same class as any of these women. But my point is that the pressure regardless of age is still there.

This year I chose movement as my word of the year. For me, a huge part of aging gracefully is to take control of my physical health. I can’t say that I’ve ever been athletic…there was the cheerleading thing in high school but that was more about the outfit! But, there were a few years when I worked out regularly. If I’m being honest, I loved the way it felt. I loved knowing that in those 45 minutes my body had intention and my movements were deliberate. And, I liked the way I looked. Thin but strong and capable. I don’t look that way anymore and I most certainly don’t feel that way. This month I’m prioritizing my fitness! I'm going to work out for 30 days. No excuses. I started January 2 since the month has 31 days in it. So far, success! I’m cleaning up my diet even more and changing some things about the way that I eat. But, we’ll discuss that when I check-in after 30 days ;) And here, in the name of transparency and accountability, are the most unflattering photos I’ve ever willingly published on Al Gore’s internet. Ooff! I’m hoping to lose weight obviously, but I’d like to see things a bit tighter and firmer. I’ll see you with an update in a month!

Word Of The Year || M O V E M E N T

Last year I chose the word “Light” for my word of the year. I’m pretty happy with how it worked in helping me make several big changes in my life. As 2019 came to an end and I reflected on things I realized that there were other some areas of my life where I felt really stuck. I hadn’t made much if any progress on my overall fitness and physical health. I also didn’t do as much with this platform as I’d hoped to do.

I’m headed toward 50(Holy crap!) and as I approach the fifth decade of my life, I need some momentum! I decided my word for 2020 is, MOVEMENT. It is defined as 1. the act or process of moving 2.a particular instance and manner of moving 3. tendency or trend 4. a series of organized activities working toward an objective.

This year I want to get unstuck! I want to move. I want to create movement. I want to be a part of a movement bigger than myself. To help me bring things in to focus a little more, I’m choosing a different word every month that will work in tandem with Movement. For January, it’s “prioritize”. I’m prioritizing physical movement by exercising every day for 30 days. I’m prioritizing my studies which will move me further along on my career path and I’m prioritizing the content I put here that aligns more with my vision for the blog.

Here’s to a new year, a new decade, and a movement!

This and That || Holiday Edition

I went to Goodwill looking for a few kitschy Christmas ornaments and came out with two pale pink sweaters. Go figure! I knew this one would be perfect for a few holiday-inspired outfits.

This soft pink sweater with the embellished collar is perfect to be dressed up in any number of ways. Perhaps, you’re going to grab a few drinks after work with colleagues or maybe your office is has having a simple lunch during the work day and you want to look festive but not over the top! I paired the top with a knit Missoni+Target skirt, tights and booties. Casual, festive and work appropriate.

This may be my personal favorite because sparkle, obviously! Sweater, leggings, heels and you’re done! Easy peasy! And while everyone may not own a pair of sequin leggings- if you don’t, you should- but this outfit could be equally adorable with plain black leggings and a glitzy shoe. I’ve been binge watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and this feels very Midge to me. This is a perfect look for your partner’s work party at a brewery. If that seems oddly specific, it’s because I’m wearing this to my husband’s company party at a brewery. LOL!

A cinched waist and full skirt is a classic silhouette. I think this would perfect to wear to a holiday luncheon or perhaps a cocktail party at a friends home. And, I’m never going to pass up the chance to wear my wedding shoes!

And, once you’ve survived the holiday madness it’s perfect with jeans and over the knee boots for grabbing brunch with your best girls.

Pink sweater with jeweled collar Goodwill $4.99/ similar here *

Outfit details:

Outfit 1:

Skirt: Missoni+Target- Target here *

Tights: Old Navy

Booties: Goodwill /similar here *

Outfit 2:

Sequin leggings: Express/ similar here *

Heels: Kate Spade/ similar here *

Leopard Coat: Forever21/ similar here *

Outfit 3:

Skirt: Zara- Goodwill/ similar here *

Heels: Sam Edelman/ similar here *

Belt: Amazon *

Outfit 4:

Jeans: American Eagle

Boots: Forever21 / similar here *

Easy Holiday Wreath DIY

My requirements for any DIY project are cheap and easy. And, this one is both. I have a few of the standard fuax evergreen wreaths that I’ve collected over the years. And while there’s nothing wrong them, there’s not a whole lot that’s right with them either. A quick Walmart run and $20 later, I was set.

People who know me will tell you how much I dislike fake flowers! But, I have to admit they’ve come a long way! My tip-if your using fakes invest in an assortment of greenery in various shades and textures. It makes the arrangement look much more authentic. Anyway, I got a few different types of greenery, berries, one large cabbage rose, a spray of anemones and some glitter branches(of course!) and went to work.

Don’t be afraid to deconstruct the bunches! It makes them easier to work with and they look more authentic when you use stems instead of a huge bunch.

I had some florist wire on standby but found it unnecessary. The stems were long enough to weave throughout the wreath. When I need something to stay in place I simply wrapped one of the evergreen “branches” around it and fluffed it out to fill in any holes.

Start to finish, the project took about 30 minutes including the time I spent trying to remember where I put the wreath hanger last year, you know because in a box with the rest of decorations is far too logical of a place for it! And I’m pretty happy with the results!

Happy Holidays!

Style Archetype|| Urban Academic

This year I’ve happily rediscovered my interest in fashion and personal style. My focus has been on finding things in my closet that I already love and wearing them in a way that works with my much more laid back life. I’ve also taken a hard look at consumerism and fast fashion. I haven’t been compelled to shop the way I used to and most of my clothes are thrifted. The other day I was hanging out in Target, as you do, and I saw plenty of things I liked. But, I didn’t see anything I loved enough to buy. That’s huge for me! And while I’m moving more in the direction of curating a closet of wearable items that reflect my personal style and make me feel great, I knew that a capsule wardrobe wasn’t for me. I could never figure out a way to pare down my wardrobe while at the same time having enough variety to keep it interesting. For a lot of people, clothing is purely utilitarian but a lot of times it’s a way I can express myself creatively. Then, I discovered the idea of style archetypes or wardrobe moods while scrolling through Reddit one sleepless night.

Style archetypes…this is an idea I can get into! I’m concentrating on developing my archetypes. My first one is Urban Academic. For this category, I focus on classic pieces while styling them in a slightly edgier way.

My style muses for this category are Tracee Ellis Ross, Yara Shahidi, Jenna Lyons, Rashida Jones and Sarah Jessica Parker. All of these women serve up street style in a wearable way that I love.

Feeling inspired here are a few looks I pulled together. Nothing here is new. Once again I looked at things I already owned with an open mind and created pairings that feel fresh to me.

Worn|| Orange Crush

One of my favorite things this year has been rediscovering my love of clothes and trying to figure out what I still love and what no longer works in terms of style. There have been hits, a few misses and a couple of “WTF was I thinking” moments. And while I still haven’t figured it all out, I’m getting clearer about it.

For instance, this skirt. It’s actually a dress. I bought because I love the color and the hemline. It’s 100% silk so it makes the most magnificent swish when I walk! I wore it exactly one time in the six or seven years I’ve had it. It has a halter neckline which I never liked and it does something weird to my chest. But, I couldn’t get rid of it for some reason! I decided to fold the top down and use the ties from the halter as a belt. I immediately loved it. I managed to wear it a handful of times with t-shirts and tank tops over the summer. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that works really well in cooler temps. I tossed on an oversized sweater, paired it with Chucks, and was good to go for a day of running errands. I’m planning to have it turned into a proper skirt with a waistband and a zipper but until then I’ll continue to wear it as is. If there’s something you love in your closet that hasn’t work for whatever reason, look at it in a different way. You may discover a new way to wear it or style it and fall in love with it again!

Everyday Ordinary

Over the last decade, I’ve tried memory keeping in a number of ways from scrapbooking to using a memory planner. At a certain point it all seems too overwhelming and I give it up. But, this year, I think I finally hit my sweet spot.

Last year I bought a Hobonichi Cousin for the first time. I loved it because it offers monthly, weekly, and daily pages. The weekly pages were my jam but I was at a loss on what to do with the daily pages so they mostly went unused which is sad because the tomoe river paper used in the Hobonichi is freaking magical!

This past year I’ve realized that I’m documenter. I love looking back in my planners and seeing small glimpses of my everyday life. I think some of that is lost when you do more traditional scrapbooking or memory keeping. When I realized the Hobonichi is perfect for this, I decided to order another one! I’m able to document all of the smaller moments of our days whether it’s something funny Rowan has said, a quick note about self-doubt, or a selfie because my hair and makeup were on point that day! I love it. I can look at my weekly pages and see all of the mundane everyday tasks of living-folding laundry, getting the car serviced and Rowan’s haircut. And, the daily pages offer little glimpses into why ordinary days are so special and worth remembering! I’m looking forward to having a bookcase full of these to pull out and flip through with my grandchildren! I encourage you to record some of the small things whether it’s scribbling a little note in your planner or printing out some of the thousands of photos on your phone and tucking them between the pages of a journal. These moments are worth recording!

Nonfiction November

One of my favorite booktubers, ABOOKOLIVE, is the host of Nonfiction November. Let’s ignore the fact that we’re into the first week of the month already…mkay?! The goal is to simply get people to read more nonfiction. If you typically read none and you read one, you win! And, if you like nonfiction and read it regularly, add a few more to your TBR. It is one of my favorite reading challenges. Whenever I’m in a reading slump I gravitate towards nonfiction. Before Google and Reddit rabbit holes to follow, there was the library filled with books on everything to memoirs to essay collections to true crime and those are the books that comforted me!

There are no real rules but she does offer a few one-word prompts that may be interpreted in any way you want. I’ve added a bunch of amazing recs to my Goodreads list and since I’m also doing NaNoWriMo this month(!) I’m only going to attempt to one book for each prompt.

Design: Slugfest: Inside the Epic, 50-year Battle between Marvel and DC by Reed Tucker This was a recommendation from Olive. I chose it for design not only because I love the comic book designed cover but also because the creators of both Marvel and DC have meticulously designed the worlds their characters inhabit. I’m a fairly new fan to the MCU and I’m excited to learn more about the history of these two giants of the industry.

Sport: Unnecessary Roughness: Inside the Trial and Final Days of Aaron Hernandez by Jose Baez I had only marginally been keeping track of the Aaron Hernandez saga. Hernandez was a star athlete and professional football player who was charged and convicted of murder. This book is written by the famed defense attorney, Jose Baez who not only defended him in a second double-murder trial but ultimately got him acquitted. It is an in-depth dive into the last year of the life of Hernandez and details only Baez had access to. I’m interested in reading more about what makes a man who seemingly had everything fall, how CTE may have played a part in his crimes and a closer look at the justice system.

True: A Deal with the Devil: The Dark and Twisted True Story of One of the Biggest Cons in History by Blake Ellis Because real life is always stranger and more interesting than fiction! My interest in true crime has changed a lot in the past few years. But, I find fraud and the people that perpetuate them endlessly interesting. This book is an investigation into a criminal enterprise that defrauded people to the tune of $200 million dollars through various mail-order schemes.

Voice: Motherhood So White: A Memoir of Race, Gender, and Parenting in America by Nefertiti Austin When I started my journey of new motherhood over again I noticed immediately that finding resources and stories about what parenting is like for black mothers in the 21st century were virtually nonexistent. I am a black stay at home mom of a young child and while I don’t find my circumstance particularly extraordinary, seeing my journey reflected in fiction or nonfiction is relatively rare. I chose this story about a single black woman’s choice to become a mother through adoption because these voices and stories need to be told.

Dark and Stormy

I’m not a Halloween person. But there’s something about having a small child that gets you excited for the holidays, any holiday! So this year I put on my festive Halloween hat and created my version of a spooky tablescape for the season.

I didn’t want to spend a lot and I’m happy to say that the entire thing came together for about $20! The only new items were the buffalo plaid tablecloth that served as inspiration and the blue and white thrifted china. I used to love putting together a pretty table but it’s not something I’ve done in the past few years because small humans are attracted to shiny, pretty and breakable things! As I was doing this I remembered how much fun it is and I got to challenge myself. Now that Rowan is older and learning that not everything in the house is a toy I’ll have to do this more!

The color palette was simple black and white with just a touch of blue. Then Halloween it up!

I’m so happy with the way the way it turned out! It’s a little bit farmhouse, with a dose of classic and just a little spooky!

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Be sure to check out the video to see it all come together.