Worn||A Well-Dressed Mess

Mother’s Day came and went this year without a post from me. It was the second one without my mom and in all honesty, I was unprepared for how hard it would hit me. Most of last year was spent in a haze of personal grief and collective mourning for all that we were losing almost daily. I was numb last year. This year I felt the weight of my own personal loss. Perhaps, I should say, I finally allowed myself to feel the weight of my loss.

Like lots of mothers and daughters, my mom and I had a complicated relationship. Sometimes we were so alike that most people would never notice how vast our differences were. And, I think I always believed those monumental differences meant that I would never be the daughter she was proud of. I always believed the times she voiced doubt about my choices or concern for the direction of my life it was judgment. I thought her interest in our commonalities was pressure for me to do those things the exact same way that she did. I never suspected that perhaps I was teaching her or that she was excited to see something she loved become something important to me.

I’ve been struggling in therapy a lot lately which is really how it goes. Every breakthrough is followed by a breakdown. Because growth can be as painful as it is powerful. Both awesome and terrifying. So, my therapist gave me homework. I had to write a letter to myself laying out all of the reasons why I’m not that broken person I was in my past. The girl I jokingly call, The Well Dressed Mess. The Bespoke Basketcase. The Fuck Up in the lovely Frock.

I won’t go into all the details I laid out in that letter but the one that is sticking with me and the one I’ve been unable to really say out loud is that I can’t be that old version of myself because I am my mother’s legacy.

In the few years before she died, we weren’t very close. Miscommunication and hurt feelings were at the root of it. But, I’d finally started to work past some of them. We started talking a little more. My visits weren’t so few and far between. Honestly, I thought we’d have more time. We didn’t. And I’ve carried so much guilt. Guilt that wouldn’t let me say that I miss her so much. Guilt that wouldn’t let me tell people how very much I loved her. And that guilt would never let me say that I can’t go back to being the well-dressed mess because it’s not who my mom raised me to be.

Whenever I was facing a conflict or a crisis, I could go to her. We’d have coffee and I would cry it out. She’d wipe my tears and rub my back. Saying, “I know….I know…it’s okay sweetie….” over and over until I was soothed. When I was ready to go back out into the world she’d give me a hug and whisper “give ‘em hell, Rae!” in my ear as I left.

So even when the fight to stay mentally healthy is incredibly difficult and all of the demons from my past are being kept at bay by the thinnest of razor wire, I will not be that person ever again because I’m starting to realize that I’m growing into the woman my mom always knew I was.

I’m still here mama, and I’m doing my damndest to give ‘em hell!

Worn || Nostalgia

I have to admit, I had these overalls in my cart for close to three months before I clicked purchase. The only thing I regret is waiting so long to buy them.

I’m not sure this is the most flattering item of clothing I own. Although, these days I’m defining “flattering” as more of a mantra than a strict rule of style. How can something that makes you feel playful and happy be unflattering? Here’s to remembering and honoring the 9-year-old me, spending a summer afternoon on a yellow bike named Marigold, coveralls, crooked ponytails, and unlaced sneakers before I knew or even cared about flattering or appropriate clothing.

And just in case you needed to hear it, buy the damn overalls!

Overalls: https://amzn.to/3dYU5sp For reference I’m wearing a Medium. They shrank slightly after washing and drying

Chucks: https://amzn.to/3dWlbAl

Top: https://bit.ly/3xp9cTH

Worn|| Rambling

For the first time in four years, I’m not living with a knot of anxiety in my soul. I’m a little lighter. There’s a tiny sliver of optimism that pops its head out every now and then.

Strangely, I’ve also been exhausted and really, really sad. It’s dawned on me that like a lot of us who have faced each day of the Trump administration braced for horror and new lows, I’ve been running on a mixture of rage and anxiety. Survival mode. The pandemic has just become another thing to “get through”. And now that one threat has been vanquished, I have space to grieve for the things that we’ve lost in this last year. The big things- babies being born, graduations, weddings, birthdays- and the smaller ones- Sunday brunch, afternoons at the art museum, spa days, and date nights- all gone for those of us who have been following orders to shelter at home. I used to think a lot about how absolutely normal and mundane my life was. The life of a middle-aged suburban housewife is only exciting when scripted by the execs at Bravo. I never would have guessed that the loss of “normal” would leave such a Grand Canyon-sized hole in not only how I perceive the world, but also in how I view myself. If my role as a wife and a mother is to comfort and care for my family and the ways in which I’ve done that are suddenly not accessible, then what is my purpose?

This long ramble is just to say I feel unmoored in this new normal. I think it’s part of grieving all that we have lost. And, if you’re feeling that way too, please know that you are not alone.

Rambling Rose|| Worn

Six months into the pandemic with no relief in sight and I’m still working to maintain a sense of normalcy from day to day. Getting dressed everyday, even if it's only for a few hours has become an important part of maintaining that.

As summer fades into fall, I’m trying to find things that are technically considered clothing but are so comfortable to wear it’s almost like wearing pajamas!

This dress checks both of those boxes! I have it in this floral, leopard print and I may have another two on the way! These are great layering pieces. As it gets a little cooler, I plan on wearing them over leggings with a chunky cardigan and my new fuzzy slippers. Although I rarely leave the house these days, I think this dress would also work with a jean jacket, tights and boots/booties on the rare out of the house day.

Birthday Girl||Worn

Today I Turn 47! Forty-fucking-Seven. I remember being so young that I thought anything over 30 was basically the same as being 70. My how the times have changed.

No fancy date night out this year or drinks with friends but I feel remarkably happy to be here! I’m focusing on appreciating my life in the present and starting to (once again)to make plans for the future. Cheers to another year around the sun!

Teenage Dream|| Worn

This is a full circle fashion moment.

“My god, are we gonna be like our parents?” *bonus points if you know the movie ;)

I’m fairly certain I wore this exact outfit nonstop the summer between seventh and eighth grade. The sneakers were probably K-Swiss instead of Adidas. The watch was definitely analog by Swatch. And the shorts were, if memory serves, a little bit longer. I went through several decades thinking my thighs were too big to see the light of day. One of the many things I’d tell my younger self is to wear less clothing!

We aren’t leaving the house too often. But, our library finally reopened and I occasionally get to take a solo trip to pick up books. And for a second, it feels a little bit like how life used to be.

Worn || Happy

Sadness and grief make the world look different. Everything is the same but different. The world keeps moving. Life, as they say, goes on. The sun isn’t shining but the temperature is blessedly warm for a mid-western winter. So, I’m keeping things simple- a favorite sweater, jeans, sneakers and a coat from my mom.

Style Archetype|| Urban Academic

This year I’ve happily rediscovered my interest in fashion and personal style. My focus has been on finding things in my closet that I already love and wearing them in a way that works with my much more laid back life. I’ve also taken a hard look at consumerism and fast fashion. I haven’t been compelled to shop the way I used to and most of my clothes are thrifted. The other day I was hanging out in Target, as you do, and I saw plenty of things I liked. But, I didn’t see anything I loved enough to buy. That’s huge for me! And while I’m moving more in the direction of curating a closet of wearable items that reflect my personal style and make me feel great, I knew that a capsule wardrobe wasn’t for me. I could never figure out a way to pare down my wardrobe while at the same time having enough variety to keep it interesting. For a lot of people, clothing is purely utilitarian but a lot of times it’s a way I can express myself creatively. Then, I discovered the idea of style archetypes or wardrobe moods while scrolling through Reddit one sleepless night.

Style archetypes…this is an idea I can get into! I’m concentrating on developing my archetypes. My first one is Urban Academic. For this category, I focus on classic pieces while styling them in a slightly edgier way.

My style muses for this category are Tracee Ellis Ross, Yara Shahidi, Jenna Lyons, Rashida Jones and Sarah Jessica Parker. All of these women serve up street style in a wearable way that I love.

Feeling inspired here are a few looks I pulled together. Nothing here is new. Once again I looked at things I already owned with an open mind and created pairings that feel fresh to me.

Worn|| Orange Crush

One of my favorite things this year has been rediscovering my love of clothes and trying to figure out what I still love and what no longer works in terms of style. There have been hits, a few misses and a couple of “WTF was I thinking” moments. And while I still haven’t figured it all out, I’m getting clearer about it.

For instance, this skirt. It’s actually a dress. I bought because I love the color and the hemline. It’s 100% silk so it makes the most magnificent swish when I walk! I wore it exactly one time in the six or seven years I’ve had it. It has a halter neckline which I never liked and it does something weird to my chest. But, I couldn’t get rid of it for some reason! I decided to fold the top down and use the ties from the halter as a belt. I immediately loved it. I managed to wear it a handful of times with t-shirts and tank tops over the summer. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that works really well in cooler temps. I tossed on an oversized sweater, paired it with Chucks, and was good to go for a day of running errands. I’m planning to have it turned into a proper skirt with a waistband and a zipper but until then I’ll continue to wear it as is. If there’s something you love in your closet that hasn’t work for whatever reason, look at it in a different way. You may discover a new way to wear it or style it and fall in love with it again!

School Dazed || 3 Quick Looks For Every Day

Let me preface this post by saying that as parents, especially moms, we are all doing the very best we can! I’m not posting this to shame anyone or to say you should dress a certain way. Getting kids up and out of the house every day can be as tough as climbing Kilimanjaro. I know first hand that sometimes all I can manage is to throw a sweater over whatever I slept in and pull on the pair of leggings at the top of the laundry basket! However, I’ve found that having a game plan/an idea of a few things I can throw and feel good about myself is an enormous help when I’m running on autopilot.

Like most parents, the start of school is a welcome relief from being the 24/7 entertainment director for my 5-year-old. Of course, this means we have to be up, out and look fairly presentable far earlier than we’ve grown used to.

Here are three easy ways to look low key pulled together when you’d rather be wearing pajamas.

This outfit is all about elevated basics. We all have leggings and sweatshirts that we most likely live in. This look uses the faux leather texture of the leggings and the graphics on the sweatshirt to take it up a notch. The leopard scarf says I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that bitch.

This a look we all have. A favorite cardigan, a t shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. Boom! Out the door in 15 minutes.

I’ve been adding graphic t-shirts to my closet this summer with the sole intention of wearing them with something other than leggings. Here my favorite distressed jeans and a thrifted Minnie Mouse t-shirt feel a little more dressed up when I wear them with a timeless cropped trench coat and sparkly flats!

Nothing here is fussy or overdone. It’s all comfy enough to keep up with my kid. None of it is groundbreaking or edgy. But all of it makes me like I’ve got my shit together…even when that’s not even close to being true!